Whew! That was stressful.

November 25, 2008

Now I know why most people don’t pick up their whole lives and move to New York City.  It’s very stressful.  The reason I haven’t been blogging is because to recap stressful times on my blog while they’re happening only seems to compound my feelings.  

There were moments in the past month when I thought the whole move to NYC might blow up in my face.  At one point I had to seriously evaluate what my options were if this move to NYC didn’t pan out for me.  My housing situation proved to be by far the most stressful aspect of the move, but I have settled into an apartment with one roommate.  

Chris, a reader of this blog, sent me a great link: www.housingmaps.com.  It combines Craig’s List with google maps.  Very convenient and not just for finding a place in NYC.  Before I moved out here a friend of mine told me how difficult it is to find a place to live in NYC.  He made it sound almost impossible.  I’m happy to report that it is possible, although I underestimated just how hard it would be.

As for finding the right roommate situation…  The only thing I can liken it to is going on one blind date after the other.  You think it’s a good fit, the other person doesn’t.  The other person thinks it’s a good fit, but you don’t.  You both think it’s a good fit, but external circumstances beyond everyone’s control prevent it from going further.  And those scenarios say nothing for how you feel about the apartment you’re looking at, those were just the roommate feelings.  Very difficult.  Very unpleasant and draining.  But when you find a good fit…the world is right again.  

Also, I’ve gained a new appreciation for Utah and the quality of life there.  I know that there has been a lot of negative energy going Utah’s way with the Prop 8 stuff, but when it’s all said and done it’s a beautiful place with many incredible people and a high quality of life.  Keep in mind that I liked Utah before I left it, and my appreciation has still grown.  

I can’t write much more tonight, and I hope to expound on many of the things I’ve touched on in this post in the future, but for right now I will conclude with just two more thoughts:

-I really miss my friends and family back in Utah, especially my family.  Not to diminish my love for my friends, but friends can be made anywhere, your family is who and where your family is, period.  And no matter how close I get to any of my friends, and I have some very close and very incredible friends, my family knows and loves me in a way that only they can, because they’ve known me and loved me longer than anyone.  

-The other thing I will mention is a recurring thought that I have had repeatedly over the last month, and especially frequently since moving into my apartment (the point at which I actually started to feel like I was living in New York and not just like I was visiting).  I am living one of my dreams, one of my greatest dreams.  And that’s a pretty incredible thing.  Especially when you consider the countless number of people that aren’t in a position to make their dreams come true, people whose energy and day-to-day existence is consumed by their efforts just to survive. I guess it’s fitting, what with Thanksgiving being this Thursday, that I’m feeling so thankful.


This evening I had to go to Target to replace about $25 worth of various contact lens solutions that my 4-year-old niece dumped down the drain earlier today, no doubt making some sort of imaginative  “potion” or “stew” in the bathroom sink.  But after I went to Target I went to Barnes and Noble (there’s only one in St. George) and looked around at some books and magazines.  That may sound rather uninteresting or underwhelming to most of you, but it brought me deep enjoyment.  

You see, I love bookstores, coffee shops, and cafes.  (Barnes and Noble combines all of those things into one!) But for all the years I’ve been in school I’ve never been able to fully enjoy these places as I’d like to.  Bookstores, coffee shops, and cafes are places to slow down and take things in, but when I was in school and especially when I had my boards looming ahead I could never really let myself relax.  I always felt like I should be studying, or writing that paper that’s due next week, or reading the chapters for Monday’s lecture.  So, tonight, I just enjoyed the bookstore without feeling like I needed to study anything.  I relaxed internally in a way that I haven’t been able to do in many years.  

This is not to say that I’ve completely turned my thinking processes around 180 degrees, no, I still had thought’s of needing to find a job and a place to live in New York.  But I am definitely making baby steps into becoming a real life non-student adult human.  Over the last two and half days since I found out I passed my boards I’ve had so many moments of sudden remembrance/realization that I am done with school.  These moments are freedom and joy wrapped into one euphoric emotion.  This is an incredible place to be and I’m really trying to take it all in and appreciate it for exactly what it’s worth.