My Fear of Failure

September 16, 2008

I’m just going to lay it out here for you.  Tomorrow I go to New York with the intention of finding a job.  I’ve been trying to find a job from Utah without success.  I will spare you the reasons why I think this is the case, especially given the nursing shortage in New York and the country as a whole.  I am hoping that being there in person, walking into the HR offices of various hospitals, will make the difference. 

But just for the record I do want to say that I fear failure in this situation.  If I go out there and all the nurse recruiters I meet could care less that I’m a nurse looking for a job, then someone might have to pick me up off the floor. – Which is where my shock will have heaped my body. – Everything I know about the nursing shortage in Utah tells me I should be able to find a job here, and Utah is #3 when it comes to the severity of the nursing shortage.  New York, just for the record, is #2 with California having the worst shortage at #1.

At my core I believe that I will find the job I’m looking for in New York.  But at the core of my core I believe something much more all encompassing, and that is that no matter the outcome it will be either exactly what I hope for or much better than what I hope for.  I believe that because that is what my life experience has taught me.  This is not to say that I’ve had everything go exactly as I’ve hoped.  But as I look back at the sum of my life experience things have always worked out for me. – This may have more to do with my outlook than my actual life experience, but your personal perception of yourself is important.  Much more important than other’s perceptions of you. – It’s just that my pesky brain keeps saying that maybe this will be the time that things don’t work out for me.  

I’m living through my fear and anxiety.  And if things don’t work out in the way that I hope, then I’ll tell people about it.  Because it is empowering to own your failed opportunities/plans as you step over them and keep moving.

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