Bad Dreams

August 30, 2008

Last night I had a dream that I was back in school.  I was with my friends and we had several big projects due.  One of the projects was a big presentation that was only worth 25 points and we were commiserating that we thought it should be worth way more than just 25 points for all the work we were going to have to put into it.  -Of course, this is something that often happened in school.  I’d be busting my ass on an assignment that didn’t feel like the point value was equal to the work required. – I realized at this point, while I was still asleep, that I was dreaming and that I didn’t have to actually do anymore assignments in real life.  Unfortunately, I was still stuck in a dream with an assignment to work on.  I managed to wake myself up.

Last Night

August 29, 2008

I usually sleep on my side, hugging a pillow.  When I woke up this morning that pillow was eight feet away down by the foot of my bed.  

I wish I knew what happened last night.

An interesting article in the NY Times:

Newcomers Adjust, Eventually, to New York

(via-Towleroad)

Back to School

August 27, 2008

Today was the first day of the new school year.  I mean, that is, if you’re still into that kind of thing.  Which I’m not.  But I realized that it was the first day of the new year this morning as I pulled up to a bagel place near Westminster.  A year ago on this day I met three of my best nursing school friends at that same bagel shop prior to the beginning of our last year of nursing school.  It was an interesting coincidence that I ended up there again a year later.  This time alone.  

I had a nice breakfast.  I sat in the sun on the patio and read the paper while I ate.  I talked briefly to one of those “best nursing school friends” and she commented that she felt sad that we weren’t going back.  I had to admit that I didn’t really feel sad.  Maybe that’s because the reality of real life hasn’t really set in.  Or maybe I’m just not sad about it.  

The job search is not progressing according to my timetable, so that’s a bit annoying.  But nothing has really been going according to my timetable since school concluded in April.  So I’m doing my best to roll with it.  I’ve seen one of my closest friends stress a great deal over self-imposed timetables that she puts on her life.  Timetables that compare where she is to where others are and where she thinks she ought to be.  I constantly encourage her to stop confining and stressing herself in that way and the other day she pointed out the obvious…I do the same thing to myself.  So I’m trying to take my own advice.  I’m enjoying this time for the unique opportunities that it is affording me.  Or at least I keep reminding myself to enjoy this time for the unique opportunities that it is affording me.  Here’s to hoping that writing it out in front of myself will help it stick to my brain.

Vice President

August 23, 2008

I know the big news at the moment is who Obama has chosen as his VP.  But I just read a headline that said McCain is likely to tap Mitt Romney as his VP;  If that happens I will FREAK out.  The last thing we need is a Mormon running this country.  And if you try to tell me that the Vice President doesn’t run the country, then I have two words for you:  Dick Cheney.

Threads of Life

August 20, 2008

(I’ve been reading a book called The Art of Aging, by Sherwin Nuland, and a section of that book spurred this post.)  

Have you ever thought about who is affected by your life.  The fact that there are people out there who gain something simply from your existence on the planet.  This is to say nothing of the people in your day to day inner circle, those whom you see and speak to on even a somewhat frequent basis.  

I’ve heard life referred to as a path that you travel.  Your path crosses with any number of other people, but imagine that as we each travel our life paths we trail behind us a fine thread.  With each human connection that we make our thread becomes wrapped with the other person’s.  Sometimes our thread wraps intricately and for a duration with another’s, but sometimes two threads only cross one another at one small, delicate point.  Regardless of how interwoven you become your life is always connected to the people you encounter along your way.  And because of that the impact of your life is felt far beyond your comprehension.  

Back in January, on my old blog, I wrote about a friend who had died suddenly.  He was in his early thirties.  What I didn’t say at the time is that I had very briefly dated that man.  It was nothing serious and we didn’t really stay in touch, but I saw him around every once in awhile.  So when I heard that he had died I was taken off guard by the strong emotions of sadness and grief that I felt.  I didn’t know where the feelings were coming from and I remember staring at the picture that accompanied his obituary for what seemed like a long time.  It didn’t make sense to me.  

Now, you could probably delve into all kinds of deep explanations for why I felt what I did.  But I think the explanation that makes the simplest sense is that his life had crossed and interwoven with mine.  His death rippled back along the thread he’d trailed throughout his life and when it struck the point at which it crossed with my own life, I felt it.  It took me back to that point along my life path.  

The sadness and grief I felt were minute compared to what his parents and loved ones must have felt.  But it was sadness and grief nonetheless.  And if my friend is out there somewhere then I hope he knows that I cried when I heard that his life had ended.  His life was short, but it is connected to many other lives that are still carrying on.  And so, in a way, he goes on too.  

While your life may be in your control, it is not your own.  It is wrapped up with the lives of many others.  Your life today ripples back and connects to people, places, and times that you may have long since ceased to think about.  It gives new meaning to the statement, “You’re not alone,” and it testifies to the thought that no man is an island.

Stress and Worry

August 18, 2008

Before I got into nursing school I stressed and worried about whether or not I would get into the school I wanted, or, for that matter, any school at all. I got into the school I wanted.  

When I was in nursing school I stressed and worried about failing out of nursing school, regardless of how unlikely that possibility was.  I didn’t fail out of nursing school.

After I graduated I stressed and worried about whether or not I would pass my boards on the first try.  I passed my boards (with flying colors) on the first try.  

Now, I stress and worry about whether or not I will be able to find a good job in NYC.  This is not something that has caused me any stress and worry up until this point.  But it appears now I have all this extra ability to stress and worry that isn’t being occupied by any other life challenge, so I guess it’s got to go somewhere.  And do you want to know the best part about the fact that I’m stressing and worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to get a job….I haven’t even sent out my resume yet.  What’s that saying about putting the carriage before the horse?  

I suppose that after I find a job I’ll then stress about finding a place to live.  I wonder what I’ll stress and worry about once I find a place to live.

The Things That Unite Us

August 14, 2008

There are certain experiences that unite us all as human beings, common ground that we have all found ourselves on at one time or another.  

Popping bubble wrap is one of those things.

Please Click Here. 

Lene Marlin – My Love

August 14, 2008

I love discovering new music and artists, here is one that I first came across several years ago.  This song in particular has a haunting quality to it.  (I also love recommendations.)

I need a job.  I need an income.  I need a place to live in NYC.  But I also need to keep my priorities in order.  

It’s been an interesting balancing act, sometimes more of a struggle, not to get wrapped up in the less important aspects of my life right now.  Finding a job and a place to live is important, but not as important as the people in my life.  I need to exist somewhere in between securing my future in society and maintaining my presence with those who will make any future worthwhile.  

I have a very good friend who recently became so wrapped up in the completion of his education, the search for a new job and a new home, and the process of relocating across the country that he couldn’t be bothered to show up at a BBQ/Goodbye Party thrown for him by one of our friends.  I felt like I was tossed aside in the wake of his relocation as did, I think, some of our other friends.  I tried to explain to him before he left that his life was not back East where he’d secured a job.  Surely someday soon his life will be there, but at that moment his life existed here in Salt Lake.  And he was leaving it for good.  But I don’t think I communicated what I was thinking very effectively.  

I’ve been mindful to make an extra effort to see certain people before I totally relocate to New York.  I’ve been scheduling dinners, lunches, and coffee with friends at every possible opportunity.  It would probably be much easier to pull away from all of that though.  To withdraw in an attempt to make the inevitable separation somehow less painful.  But I think it will be of greater benefit to me in the long run if I am able to find balance in the reality that I am leaving without leaving before I’ve actually gone; To remain emotionally present while physically preparing to separate.