Threads of Life

(I’ve been reading a book called The Art of Aging, by Sherwin Nuland, and a section of that book spurred this post.)  

Have you ever thought about who is affected by your life.  The fact that there are people out there who gain something simply from your existence on the planet.  This is to say nothing of the people in your day to day inner circle, those whom you see and speak to on even a somewhat frequent basis.  

I’ve heard life referred to as a path that you travel.  Your path crosses with any number of other people, but imagine that as we each travel our life paths we trail behind us a fine thread.  With each human connection that we make our thread becomes wrapped with the other person’s.  Sometimes our thread wraps intricately and for a duration with another’s, but sometimes two threads only cross one another at one small, delicate point.  Regardless of how interwoven you become your life is always connected to the people you encounter along your way.  And because of that the impact of your life is felt far beyond your comprehension.  

Back in January, on my old blog, I wrote about a friend who had died suddenly.  He was in his early thirties.  What I didn’t say at the time is that I had very briefly dated that man.  It was nothing serious and we didn’t really stay in touch, but I saw him around every once in awhile.  So when I heard that he had died I was taken off guard by the strong emotions of sadness and grief that I felt.  I didn’t know where the feelings were coming from and I remember staring at the picture that accompanied his obituary for what seemed like a long time.  It didn’t make sense to me.  

Now, you could probably delve into all kinds of deep explanations for why I felt what I did.  But I think the explanation that makes the simplest sense is that his life had crossed and interwoven with mine.  His death rippled back along the thread he’d trailed throughout his life and when it struck the point at which it crossed with my own life, I felt it.  It took me back to that point along my life path.  

The sadness and grief I felt were minute compared to what his parents and loved ones must have felt.  But it was sadness and grief nonetheless.  And if my friend is out there somewhere then I hope he knows that I cried when I heard that his life had ended.  His life was short, but it is connected to many other lives that are still carrying on.  And so, in a way, he goes on too.  

While your life may be in your control, it is not your own.  It is wrapped up with the lives of many others.  Your life today ripples back and connects to people, places, and times that you may have long since ceased to think about.  It gives new meaning to the statement, “You’re not alone,” and it testifies to the thought that no man is an island.

Stress and Worry

Before I got into nursing school I stressed and worried about whether or not I would get into the school I wanted, or, for that matter, any school at all. I got into the school I wanted.  

When I was in nursing school I stressed and worried about failing out of nursing school, regardless of how unlikely that possibility was.  I didn’t fail out of nursing school.

After I graduated I stressed and worried about whether or not I would pass my boards on the first try.  I passed my boards (with flying colors) on the first try.  

Now, I stress and worry about whether or not I will be able to find a good job in NYC.  This is not something that has caused me any stress and worry up until this point.  But it appears now I have all this extra ability to stress and worry that isn’t being occupied by any other life challenge, so I guess it’s got to go somewhere.  And do you want to know the best part about the fact that I’m stressing and worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to get a job….I haven’t even sent out my resume yet.  What’s that saying about putting the carriage before the horse?  

I suppose that after I find a job I’ll then stress about finding a place to live.  I wonder what I’ll stress and worry about once I find a place to live.

The Things That Unite Us

There are certain experiences that unite us all as human beings, common ground that we have all found ourselves on at one time or another.  

Popping bubble wrap is one of those things.

Please Click Here. 

Lene Marlin - My Love

I love discovering new music and artists, here is one that I first came across several years ago.  This song in particular has a haunting quality to it.  (I also love recommendations.)

Women and Children (and Men) First

I need a job.  I need an income.  I need a place to live in NYC.  But I also need to keep my priorities in order.  

It’s been an interesting balancing act, sometimes more of a struggle, not to get wrapped up in the less important aspects of my life right now.  Finding a job and a place to live is important, but not as important as the people in my life.  I need to exist somewhere in between securing my future in society and maintaining my presence with those who will make any future worthwhile.  

I have a very good friend who recently became so wrapped up in the completion of his education, the search for a new job and a new home, and the process of relocating across the country that he couldn’t be bothered to show up at a BBQ/Goodbye Party thrown for him by one of our friends.  I felt like I was tossed aside in the wake of his relocation as did, I think, some of our other friends.  I tried to explain to him before he left that his life was not back East where he’d secured a job.  Surely someday soon his life will be there, but at that moment his life existed here in Salt Lake.  And he was leaving it for good.  But I don’t think I communicated what I was thinking very effectively.  

I’ve been mindful to make an extra effort to see certain people before I totally relocate to New York.  I’ve been scheduling dinners, lunches, and coffee with friends at every possible opportunity.  It would probably be much easier to pull away from all of that though.  To withdraw in an attempt to make the inevitable separation somehow less painful.  But I think it will be of greater benefit to me in the long run if I am able to find balance in the reality that I am leaving without leaving before I’ve actually gone; To remain emotionally present while physically preparing to separate.

Whoa! Self-Important Much?

An illustration of why it’s important to have people in your life that ground you…and would throttle you if you ever forgot that the world revolves around the Sun and not you.  

US swim legend Mark Spitz won’t be on hand in Beijing if Michael Phelps breaks his record of seven gold medals at a single Olympics—because, he says, no one bothered to invite him.

“I never got invited. You don’t go to the Olympics just to say, I am going to go. Especially because of who I am,” Spitz told AFP in Hong Kong.

“I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That’s almost demeaning to me. It is not almost—it is.”

Spitz became one of the most famous athletes in the world at the 1972 Munich Olympics, winning seven gold medals—with seven world records—in what many consider to be one of the greatest achievements in all of sport.

“I won seven events. If they had the 50m freestyle back then, which they do now, I probably would have won that too,” he said.

Spitz said it would have been a great idea if he could be the one presenting the gold medals to Phelps, who has for years been candid about his ambition to eclipse the mark of seven golds.

And Spitz thinks Phelps will succeed—for one very good reason.

“He’s almost identical to me. He’s a world-record holder in all these events, so he is dominating the events just like I did,” Spitz said. “He reminds me of myself.”

(Source: AFP)

Amalgamation

I don’t know where this photo comes from, but it strikes me in almost a poetic manner.

Job Hunting

OK, I’m a nurse, hire me.  

So, I’m realizing that it might not be that easy.  I may actually have to send out some resumes, make a few calls, you know, that kind of stuff.  I haven’t really hit things full swing yet though because I’m still waiting for NY State to issue me my license.  There’s a mundane story there about the frustrations of bureaucratic paperwork, but I’ll spare you the details.  

When I was in school I feared/worried/obsessed about passing, about not failing out.  After I graduated I feared/worried/obsessed about passing my boards.  And now the fear and worry that I won’t find a job has entered my mind.  Now, logically I can recognize the irrational aspects to these fears, worries, and obsessions, but it’s still hard to make my mind embrace that logic.  

I am trying now to enjoy and make the most out of the remaining time I have here in Utah.  I am meeting friends for coffees, lunches, movies, and dinners.  I realize that when I get to New York I am not going to have the friend and family base to draw from to keep myself occupied.  I do take some comfort in my own ability and desire to have time to myself, and of course having a full-time job will help fill some time and energy as well.  

So, my focus now is to not rush onto the next thing without savoring the end of what I’ve just finished, and the in-between that exists between it and what I am about to embark on.

Quotable - Bhagavad Gita

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly, than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.

Bookstores, Coffee Shops, Cafes

This evening I had to go to Target to replace about $25 worth of various contact lens solutions that my 4-year-old niece dumped down the drain earlier today, no doubt making some sort of imaginative  ”potion” or “stew” in the bathroom sink.  But after I went to Target I went to Barnes and Noble (there’s only one in St. George) and looked around at some books and magazines.  That may sound rather uninteresting or underwhelming to most of you, but it brought me deep enjoyment.  

You see, I love bookstores, coffee shops, and cafes.  (Barnes and Noble combines all of those things into one!) But for all the years I’ve been in school I’ve never been able to fully enjoy these places as I’d like to.  Bookstores, coffee shops, and cafes are places to slow down and take things in, but when I was in school and especially when I had my boards looming ahead I could never really let myself relax.  I always felt like I should be studying, or writing that paper that’s due next week, or reading the chapters for Monday’s lecture.  So, tonight, I just enjoyed the bookstore without feeling like I needed to study anything.  I relaxed internally in a way that I haven’t been able to do in many years.  

This is not to say that I’ve completely turned my thinking processes around 180 degrees, no, I still had thought’s of needing to find a job and a place to live in New York.  But I am definitely making baby steps into becoming a real life non-student adult human.  Over the last two and half days since I found out I passed my boards I’ve had so many moments of sudden remembrance/realization that I am done with school.  These moments are freedom and joy wrapped into one euphoric emotion.  This is an incredible place to be and I’m really trying to take it all in and appreciate it for exactly what it’s worth.